Doorknobs and Lampshades
by Doorknob and Lampshade-sama
Summary: Quotes from several animes i.e GW, Escaflowne, Digimon, sailormoon and Ranma. Replace words with 'doorknob' or 'lampshade', and you have the fic!


Lampshades and Doorknobs  
  
Lampshade: Nihao.  
  
Doorknob: Heya.  
  
Lampshade: Doorknobs and lampshades are NOT metaphors.  
  
Doorknob: No, they are not.....  
  
Both: ELAINE!!  
  
Lampshade: Anyhoo, standard disclaimers apply, yaddayaddayadda.....  
  
Doorknob: Gundam Wing, Digimon, Escaflowne, Ranma, and Sailormoon belong to....the people that own them...  
  
Lampshade: Hai.  
  
Doorknob: If they belonged to us, Heero would be shagging Duo, Tai would be `doing the monkey dance' with Yama....  
  
Lampshade: ....And Ranma would boink Ryouga. *nods*  
  
Doorknob: Yes. We realize that we might scare some of you people, but we reached our main mission.... we scared the people who work at the KFC. Yes.... "Mission accomplished"  
  
Lampshade: It's PG..... NC17 for those who have sick minds..... In fact, if you have a sick mind you shouldn't even be READING this ..... that goes for double for you Elaine!  
  
Doorknob: This was a result of.......ahh, hell, what was it the result of?  
  
Lampshade:....Allen Schizar. And my hat. And your nickname.  
  
Doorknob: Yes. Now she is known as Box-sama. More collaborations soon. People be happy.  
  
Lampshade: Yes....rejoice....yay.........enough procrastination. On with the.....sortafic!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Escaflowne  
  
"If I.....If I can run 100 meters in the time it takes this pendant to swing 13 times...If I break the 13 second barrier.....I'd like to give you my first lampshade!"  
  
-Hitomi to Amano  
  
"I'm not so bad off that I need a woman to worry for me. Let me guess, you want a reward. Fine. Come to my castle, then. But don't get too cocky. It'd be an apology for involving you and your friends in the lampshadeslaying. You didn't help me kill that lampshade, you know."  
  
-Van to Hitomi  
  
"He's a lampshade?"  
  
-Hitomi  
  
"Hey! What's wrong with coming in through the lampshade?!"  
  
-Hitomi to Merle  
  
"Don't mess with a lampshade!"  
  
-Hitomi  
  
"I don't like mortal lampshade combat."  
  
-Van  
  
"It's not like I'm becoming a lampshade because I want to."  
  
-Van  
  
"That's the problem with you lampshades.....no manners."  
  
-Merle  
  
"Thou sleeping lampshade, awake!"  
  
-Van  
  
"I won't turn my back on a lampshade and run away!"  
  
-Van  
  
"My duty as a lampshade is to answer steel with steel."  
  
-Allen  
  
"An amateur like you has no business in telling me how to fight a lampshade."  
  
-Dilandau to Folken  
  
"That is my duty as a knight....no, as a lampshade."  
  
-Allen to Hitomi  
  
"You live up to your lampshade, Allen Schezar."  
  
-Dilandau to Allen  
  
"It's that lampshade from yesterday!"  
  
-Hitomi  
  
"If we wait for the politicians, our lampshade will get away!"  
  
-Dilandau  
  
"This lampshade has fallen. We're withdrawing."  
  
-Allen  
  
"Spare me the lampshades. It doesn't cost you anything to bow."  
  
-Dryden  
  
Gundam Wing  
  
Relena  
  
"My name is Lampshade...and you are?"  
  
"Lampshaaaaaaadddeeeeee!!! Hurry up and come kill me!" (Oh, how we wish....)  
  
"So, Lampshade must be alive after all, right"  
  
"Father, please don't laugh. But even now, I can hear Lampshade's voice."  
  
"Lampshade! Hurry and come back to me!"  
  
"Lampshade, promise me you won't disappear without telling me."  
  
Heero  
  
"Then I'll give you just one piece of advice...doorknobs hurt like hell."  
  
"I'll kill Doorknob. That's my way of showing thanks."  
  
"When nothing makes sense, I'll fight believing on in my doorknob."  
  
"Doorknob, I'm going to kill you."  
  
"I kill crazy doorknobs."  
  
"The people who try to kill me, and the people who fight against me, are my doorknobs."  
  
"Doorknob, we're not wrong."  
  
"Quatre, I can see my doorknobs clearly now. If you become my doorknob, I'll kill you."  
  
"Of course I can do it. I'm a doorknob, aren't I?"  
  
"You're going to self-doorknob?"  
  
"I'm not a doorknob." (but....but...he just said he WAS!)  
  
"Do as you like, it's your doorknob."  
  
"Doorknobs are nothing but a result of war."  
  
"Everyone and everything that fights is my doorknob!"  
  
"Relena is drowning in her doorknobs."  
  
"Where are my doorknobs?!" (He lost `em.....)  
  
Dorothy (yuck)  
  
"Hurry up and start the lampshade!"  
  
"Welcome to the lampshade's paradise!"  
  
"You can't really fight a war with lampshades, after all."  
  
Duo  
  
"I'm surprised, Heero. You really turn up in the most unexpected lampshades."  
  
"For a quiet guy, you're putting on quite a lampshade."  
  
"We must be lampshades!"  
  
"But, I'm a lampshade!"  
  
"Give me a lampshade next!"  
  
"I'm so unlampshade."  
  
"The God of Lampshades is back from hell!"  
  
"Hey, I wonder what real lampshades are...."  
  
"Well, I guess a dark future suits the God Of Lampshades, but..."  
  
"I don't mind being the God Of Lampshades forever."  
  
Trowa  
  
"I assure you, the doorknobs will like it."  
  
"This is going to be the final doorknob of my life."  
  
"I guess I'll start my self-doorknobing show."  
  
"Move away, Doorknob. I have to kill myself."  
  
"I admire your doorknob."  
  
"That is my doorknob."  
  
"What's that?...My doorknob?"  
  
"We have to face facts, this age has no wish for doorknobs like us."  
  
"Doorknob, don't pick on Quatre too much."  
  
Quatre  
  
"It hurts-my body, and my doorknob."  
  
"Thank you, my Doorknob!"  
  
"Trowa, I'm going to use this Doorknob to destroy the whole crazy universe!!"  
  
"You'll die, Heero. But I don't want to kill my doorknobs."  
  
"Heero, I hate that doorknob."  
  
"I'm sorry, doorknob."  
  
"Wait, my doorknob. I'm coming, okay?"  
  
"A doorknob isn't enough, but, I'm really sorry."  
  
Wufei  
  
"A doorknob? That's why she's weak."  
  
"I don't kill weaklings and doorknobs."  
  
"Doorknob, tell me what to do, lead me down the correct path."  
  
"Doorknobs shouldn't fight!"  
  
"That's just the kind of thing a Doorknob would think of. But I follow my own path!"  
  
Zechs/Millardo (Identity Crisis Man)  
  
"Treize, I can't be your lampshade."  
  
"Space calls out to lampshades. And the earth tries to pull them back down, saying that what they are doing is wrong...."  
  
"Farewell, Lampshade."  
  
Lady Une  
  
"I will have rose lampshades ready for your next bath time."  
  
Catherine  
  
"Don't behave like a spoiled doorknob."  
  
"That doorknob's my little brother, a doorknob of this circus."  
  
Miscelleny  
  
"King Zechs, lampshade!" -Otto  
  
"No one likes an obstinate old doorknob!" -Doc J  
  
"Disobedient lampshade." -Mr. Winner  
  
"This is a doorknob." -Alex  
  
"That's pretty good for a lampshade!" -Circus people-thingy  
  
"You're just a lampshade!"  
  
"You're just a doorknob!!"  
  
-Noin and Wufei  
  
Ranma  
  
"Eeeww, he's wearing girls lampshades!!" -Schoolgirl  
  
"You are so unlampshade!" -Ranma  
  
"It's a cute lampshade." -Kuno  
  
"Be SILENT, lampshade!" -Kuno  
  
"Who are you calling lampshade?" -Ryouga  
  
"Ranma, you LAMPSHADE!!" -Akane  
  
"Why, the living lampshade, of course!" -Shinosoke's grandfather  
  
"Never fear! Mr. Lampshade is here!" -Happosai  
  
Sailormoon  
  
"Serena, you doorknob!" -Luna  
  
"Go bleach your lampshade, creep!" -Mercury  
  
"Thanks a lot, doorknob!" -Jupiter  
  
"Hidie-ho! Wanna hear all the chemical elements of lampshades?" -Melvin  
  
"That's so sweet, I'm getting doorknobs!" -Beryl  
  
Digimon  
  
Matt  
  
"Watch the lampshade, dude!"  
  
"Yeah, well, at least my cat's not stuck up a doorknob!"  
  
"No question man. You are defiantly the lamp of lampshades!"  
  
"Okay, it's official. The sun has turned Palmon's brain into a doorknob."  
  
"Anyone notice we talk a lot about lampshades?"  
  
"Our next stop on the tour is the forest of irrelevant doorknobs. No pictures, please!"  
  
"Hey, if we find a place that'll deliver, let's order lampshades."  
  
"Yeah, let's wait for that giant doorknob to come get us."  
  
"Unless you're into eating lampshades, we don't have much of a choice."  
  
"You sure talk a lot for a doorknob."  
  
"You know you're beaten. Face it like a lampshade."  
  
"Joe, nobody knocks on the door at a doorknob."  
  
Tai  
  
"Come back here and fight like a lampshade!"  
  
"Maybe to a St Bernard with a doorknob on his forehead."  
  
"So what am I supposed to do? Throw the lampshade at the monsters and hope they get scared and run away?"  
  
"You guys talk more than my mom's lampshade!"  
  
"Genius over there is trying to call the doorknob repairman because the knobs don't work."  
  
Sora  
  
"Maybe if your doorknob was as big as your lampshade, you'd be a little smarter."   
  
"What kind of sicko turns lampshades into doorknobs?!"  
  
Mimi  
  
"I think I broke a doorknob!"  
  
Joe  
  
"What was that, a floating lampshade."  
  
"Fortunately I landed on the one part of me that has a built in doorknob."  
  
"I used to have a doorknob named Princess."  
  
"I've always hated any form of lampshades-what's happening to me."  
  
T.K.  
  
"There's nothing wrong with being a lampshade."  
  
"Does this mean I don't have to brush my doorknob anymore?"  
  
"My Mom and Dad are still mad at me for the time I painted our lampshade."  
  
"I don't know, my Mom said never to take candy or doorknobs from strangers."  
  
"Is that a lampshade? If it is, it's the silentest, most invisibilist lampshade I ever saw."  
  
Digimon  
  
"Now now, don't get all doorknobby!"  
  
"I can't move, even my lampshades feel numb."  
  
"Over my stinky doorknob he will!"  
  
"Hello, my name is Izzy and I'm very smart. Although I didn't know how to stop me and my friends from being turned into lampshades!"  
  
"It's only a doorknob....A rather large doorknob, I grant you.....A rather large ANGRY doorknob! AAAGH!"  
  
"The tags should be in the convenience store, next to the lampshades."  
  
"Doorknob away!"  
  
Miscelleny  
  
"Yeah, let's wait for that giant lampshade to come get us."  
  
"I was just resting my doorknob."  
  
"Well, your doorknob was snoring pretty loudly."  
  
-Matt & Joe 


End file.
